


True by Vulcan Lover

by KSForever



Category: An AU Abramsverse, Star Trek AOS in denial of certain Abramsverse story threads, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, First Time, Hurt Kirk, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-slash as well as slash, Romance, Via link to the KS Automated Archive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 08:23:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10356267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KSForever/pseuds/KSForever
Summary: Look at Notes





	

**Author's Note:**

> Abramsverse; I've written it as though Spock and Jim have been working together for seven years, as seven years have passed since the first movie, in 2009, was made. This might not exactly be canon. Everyone's back on Earth, and while there, Jim is recovering from an injury that might change the path of his career. McCoy visits him at his apartment, and, being drunk together, they start talking about the fact that Jim has had a thing for Spock for years now. This story 're-writes' the backstory, very slightly, for S&U's relationship - because I cannot abide the fact that the writers of the new franchise, which I otherwise love, saw fit to write Spock as the kind of character who would have an affair with a cadet while he was her tutor. Yes, yes - I know that they're basically the same age, and if Spock wasn't so smart, he'd probably still be a cadet, too, at the same time Uhura was - but the fact is, apparently, that he was her tutor at the time that he and Uhura seem to have first got together. I don't like the fact that the character of Spock has been painted in this questionable light, and I wish that Abramsverse writers' would write more backstory, re-explaining the circumstances surrounding the start of that relationship - so that Spock wasn't now covered in that very particular type of paint, reserved for the kind of person who would abuse his position of power, and crap all over his own integrity. Never mind give into the advances of a cadet, or make any advances of his own - and never mind the fact that he is so uptight about trying to be ultra Vulcan, that he probably would take his responsibilities very seriously, and be aware of the importance of not getting sexed up  by someone who is a cadet in the class he has been given the responsibility and trust of teaching.. It is the only quibble I still have with Abramsverse at all. I didn't like Scotty in the first film, because the writers seemed too preoccupied with Simon Pegg's comedy credentials, but by the second film, he got more likeable because he was naturally funny... Less forced. Anyway, I digress. Scotty's not even in this particular story (Sorry, pal xx)... It's a bit more than a Mature Rating story, but probably not quite blatant NC17 (Right, I know that means half of you will walk away from reading it - I request that the people in charge here might think about adding a few more Ratings and Warnings to the lists??)
> 
> Categories: Fiction  
> Characters: McCoy  
> Crossover Fandom: None  
> Genres: Kirk/Spock Pre-Slash, Kirk/Spock Slash  
> Other Languages: None  
> Story Type: Angst, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Romance  
> Trope (OPTIONAL): Hurt Kirk  
> Universe: Abrams Universe, AU Alternate Universe  
> Warnings: None  
> Series: None  
> Chapters: 1 Table of Contents  
> Completed: Yes Word count: 2848 Read Count: 466 
> 
> Via link to the KS Automated Archive

True

"Uhura went after him, the minute she knew she could; she admits that." McCoy mentioned, as he nursed his Saurian Brandy, in the middle of a rather drunken conversation with Jim. "She's told us that she kissed him for the first time while he was handing out crew assignments - because she didn't want to wait a second longer to show him how interested she was in getting together with him."

"Spock must have been interested, too." Jim mused. "I've heard him mention that he was going to assign her to the Farragut, so that no one accused him of favouritism. Therefore, it can't have been a total secret that they were, at least, getting on well. He admits that he admired her language skills from the moment he met her, and that he could relate to how much further ahead a long her Academy path, that she was, compared to some of the other cadets; she was looking for more challenging work; Every day, she put in more hours, wanting to do more for the Communications Lab." Jim paused. "He must have felt, at the very least, lonely. Then, along comes Uhura with a mind like hers, and a body like she's got - and it's not as though there's some gaping age gap between them. They'd have been contemporaries, cadets at the same time, if he, like her, hadn't been so overly brainy, and gone at warp speed through the academic course -They started the Academy only a year or so apart. So, he should have still been in training when she was. He was offered a job as an Academy tutor, because his own tutors wanted him to stay in the Academic life a while longer, so that he could find his feet on Earth before getting catapulted into space - that was the only reason that he found himself in the position of being one of Uhura's Linguistics Tutors. He must have liked her, too. I doubt he started anything, or overstepped any mark before the day that we all rushed away to try and save his planet; because he's got more integrity than to go chasing cadets while he's in a position of authority - but, before that horrendous mission had time to unfold, she was brazen enough to kiss him, thinking 'I can try that now'. She's admitted that much - and then, what happened to Spock's people, happened - and Uhura was there for him when the rest of us." Jim felt guilty about what he'd had to do that day. "Well, we weren't there for him. She showed him kindness. Genuine, I've no doubt; Yeah, okay, maybe she shouldn't have continued making her play for him at that point, but, maybe, it was the right time to do something. They'd left their tutor and cadet status behind - and, God knows, Spock needed all the love and support he could get. Still does."

"I just want you to be happy, Jim. After everything. The Mission where we had to rescue you from the Yeldrenarians Dungeon Complex; Your resulting injury and subsequent recovery time has meant that you're no longer Spock's Captain." McCoy noted.

"I might never be again." Jim answered.

"So, perhaps you should find another kind of happiness." McCoy added. "We're here. We're all still here, awaiting new assignments or re-assignment, while Enterprise gets a makeover. Perhaps, you should take a leaf out of Uhura's book, and take your chances to make what you want known."

"You don't know for certain that they've split up. It's only hearsay. And, I don't think Uhura would react kindly even if she has finished with him. He might not react kindly either. He might be very happy with her, or, if they have split up, he might be hoping that they get back together." Jim fathomed.

"He might, but he might not." McCoy stated.

"What if I do get told I can work with them again? What then? Not very professional, is it?" Jim responded. "It'd probably mean that all those who think I shouldn't have been given Enterprise in the first place, are right." 

"That's not right, Jim. They're not right." McCoy promised. "You have that appointment the day after tomorrow with Starfleet Medical; that's why I'm here. There are lots of people around you who want to help you get back to being a Starfleet Captain. I've signed up for the task."

__ __ ___

It had been about twenty four hours since Bones had visited. When the front door chime to Jim's apartment sounded, he wondered if this could be McCoy again.

"Spock. Hi!" He said, opening the door to find Spock standing before him.

"Hello." Spock simply replied.

"Come in." Jim stepped aside, motioning for Spock to enter the apartment. "To what do I owe the pleasure of a visit from you?" He asked genuinely, as he closed the front door.

"I have finished with my 'paperwork' for the day. It recently occurred to me that I've not seen you in eleven Earth days. Therefore, I decided to make time to visit with you, Jim." Spock used Jim's given name because, at the moment, they weren't Captain and First Officer - besides, Jim had been asking for Spock to simply call him 'Jim' when they were off duty, for nearly the last seven years.

"Thank you!" Jim smiled. "Go and find a sofa to sit on. I don't expect you to just stand here the whole time."

Spock moved to the other side of the room, and sat on one of the sofas.

"Would you like anything to drink? Tea? Water? Coffee? Brandy?" Jim offered.  
___ ___

After making Spock and himself a cup of Vulcan blend tea, (it was still available, because of surviving Vulcan outposts - thankfully) Jim sat down on the other end of the sofa on which Spock sat. They drank in companionable silence for several moments.

"Have you considered any more of those job offers you told me you've been fielding, when we last met?" Jim asked eventually.

"I am still undecided." Spock replied.

"Have you asked Uhura for her opinions?" Jim braved.

"I know that it is usual practice for a couple to discuss together any such thing as a job offer that's been made to one of them, but Uhura and I are no longer 'a couple' - no longer romantically linked." Spock admitted.

"Oh?" Jim asked, over the brim of his teacup. "Are you happy about that?"

"Happiness is an emotional response, Jim." Spock reminded him.

"Ok, then. Are you ready to move on at all?" Jim reiterated.

"I don't wish to still be in a relationship with Uhura, if that is what you are asking?" Spock said evenly.

"Yes. Fair enough." Jim answered. "Would you consider being in a relationship with anyone else, yet?" Jim asked, after a few more mouthfuls of tea.

"Perhaps. If the right person were to ask me to consider it." Spock confided.

"I know we can't be together." Jim blurted out, after he had put down his tea.

"Jim, I have already, if I am totally honest with myself, flouted the regulations about 'going out with' a fellow officer, one under my Command, as such, no less. We are not, at this moment, officially Captain and First Officer, I realise this - but, quite apart from the decisions we will have to make if we do again, find ourselves in that position within the chain of command, part of me also realises that, if I were again, to ignore all else for the sake of my heart, and my need for certain comforts, I would not be considered very Vulcan at all." Spock confessed.

"I don't want to make you feel any guilt that you will have to repress. I know that it's important that you're accepted by your people, as someone just as capable of logic and the Vulcan way of life, as they are." Jim told Spock honestly.

"My people, even the full blooded Vulcans who are left, are finding it very hard to adhere to the strict nature of applying their Vulcan logic." Spock admitted. "We do now realise, more than ever, the importance of emotional bonds - even if we must forever be discreet about them."

"But?" Jim sensed.

"Though surviving what we have, has changed us, to some degree; I still do not want others to think of me as rash, overly emotive, and careless with regard to some of the rules I've been asked to live by. I agreed to them." Spock stated.

"Like I said, I know we can't be together." Jim promised.

"I want to be with you, Jim, and I know that we are no longer Captain and Commander. I simply, or not so simply, have some issues about the relationship that I've been in for the last seven years. Thankfully, I have no family commitments keeping me tied to my choices and actions of the past. My Pon Farr has yet to happen. I've not been asked to marry Nyota or anyone else. The truth is though, Jim - I could be asked. I know that as a hybrid Vulcan, I am barren, but my people are desperate to keep Vulcan culture alive, and to give the Universe a future generation of our people. I might be asked to marry. I might not be. I doubt I am considered 'a catch'. Yet, I might be asked to take part in fertility trials, and/or to marry - especially now that my father knows I am not with Uhura. It's not as though I am ungrateful to her. Nyota helped me immensely, during our relationship, and the start of life post my planet's apocalypse. I did love her. I was attracted to her. I never overstepped the boundaries when she and I were tutor and cadet, but the minute that we were not, she made her wishes clear - and I knew, then, that I had confirmation telling me I had been right to try not to show any favouritism for her or to her; I'd been keeping her advances at bay for months, and trying not to respond, emotionally, to any need she might answer within me - but even before the trauma of my planet's destruction, something in me responded to the love that she was so clearly offering - So, when she kissed me, as I was reading out the new crew rosters, I did not a lot to resist. When she kissed me, and held me, after my mother's death, after my people's death, I simply needed her more than ever." Spock explained. "However, I am not still in love with her, if I ever was."

"Spock, there are extraordinary circumstances surrounding how you and Uhura got together, and responding to her kiss, meant that you saved her life. Don't take on all of that guilt, even discreetly. Don't. I'm sorry that I brought all of this up for you again." Jim looked into Spock's eyes as he spoke.

"Don't be. I do want to be with you, Jim. If I'd broken the rules for anyone, it should have been you. I've come to love you. I know that I was disrespectful towards you when our paths first crossed, and I will forever apologise for setting you down in that escape pod on that frozen planet - setting off a chain of events that nearly killed you." Spock affirmed.

"Hush about that; not just hush it, eject it from your compartmentalised mind altogether, will you? That's not something for you to feel guilty about. I still feel guilt for going toe to toe with you about going after Nero." Jim admitted.

"That's not something for you to feel guilty about." Spock replied simply. His hands reached across to Jim's, and slowly, gradually, he caressed them with the O'zhesta. "I do want to be with you, Ashaya." He murmured.

"The Regs don't stand in our way at the moment, but I don't want to do this, if some part of you, deeply buried in that psyche, is going to feel bad about it." Jim answered. We could stop ourselves from doing this, just in case you get asked be in an arranged marriage, but you might not be asked, and if they want you to go for fertility tests, you could still do that, couldn't you?"

Spock nodded. "It is true that I might not be asked to partake in any of the parenting of a child, should one be created. Even if I were asked, it wouldn't necessarily be as part of a Vulcan marriage - but then, my people's surviving leaders might insist upon it for the sake of keeping Vulcan Marriage rites in living Vulcan culture."

"We would have to deal with all that if and when it happens." Jim answered carefully.

"Also, If we work together again one day, perhaps soon, you may regret anything we do here - and, if we don't, you may still resent me, if I admit to all I feel for you, and then, fly away, on Enterprise, or another career path altogether." Spock mentioned.

"We've been hiding our true feelings for one another, from ourselves, from each other, and everyone else, for years already, as far as I can tell." Jim breathed, wanting so much to kiss Spock, whose face was now so close to his, as their hands touched. "Can we still hide our feelings from one another? I think, to be honest, we could hide them from others still, and by others, I mean, our colleagues and superiors; we could 'hide' it from them, but not ourselves, not entirely. I mean, I know I've risked a few things to save you a few times already, but that started before I was in love with you."

"I know that you'd do what you've done, in the past, to rescue me, for any of your crew." Spock noted. "I also have faith that you would do the right thing, and let me die, if it meant saving a boatful of people, or more. You have proven yourself to be a reliable Captain, in the best sense."

"What bothers you, is that you think, as far as matters Vulcan are concerned, you've not proved yourself as a Vulcan yet, to other Vulcans." Jim spoke. "But you've proved yourself a great and good asset to your people, and to Starfleet. My love for you hasn't made me believe that. You have. Your actions as one of my officers, have. Starfleet has seen it. Your people are seeing it now."

"Some of them blame me for what happened. I know they do." Spock told Jim.

"They're wrong, Spock. They're totally in the wrong." Jim tried to assure Spock. "We both did all we could to save people that day - I know that I had to call you out on a few things, but, my God, man, give yourself a break." Jim said, realising that he sounded like Bones. "You have shown everyone that you can, and do make the right decisions, and we will always make those kinds of right decisions as Starfleet Officers, you and I, together and apart. Same as you have faith that I'd let you sacrifice yourself if you really had to, I, too, know that you would let me make that same decision. Doesn't mean I won't save your ass every time I can, with a few more daring scenarios -but we are Starfleet Officers. We know heartbreak comes with the job, sometimes, and we'd never let each other fail in our duties. I do know that the Kobiyashi Maru exists for more reasons than just to challenge me to overcome obstacles." Jim paused. "The thing is, Spock, there's nothing saying that two Starfleet Officers, unlinked by the chain of command or direct outranking of one by the other, cannot be together - and, at the moment, probably always from now on, we're not serving together. I'm not your Captain. I'm just the man who finds himself in love with you." He paused again. "Yes, we might have to make the decision to put our relationship on the backseat or end it someday, or we might, God forbid, be asked to make the ultimate sacrifice despite the fact that we are still in love - but it could be the case that our careers have to take us on separate paths from now on. I can tell you now, I'd be willing to try and maintain a relationship with you, even with light years between us - but for now, right here, in this precious moment, there is no distance between us. There is no barrier. So, if we want, we can make this decision. We can live in the moment of now."

"True." Spock 'whispered', as he leant in to Jim, and they kissed. "I love you, Jim." He confided.

"True." Jim smiled genuinely. "And just as true is the fact that I love you."

The End..? 5.4.16


End file.
